


In the Blink of an Eye

by Selenay



Category: Oxford Time Travel Universe - Connie Willis
Genre: Gen, Post-Book(s), Tea, reflections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-19
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-27 13:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenay/pseuds/Selenay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Blackout/All Clear, Polly is starting to readjust but needs a bit of help from an old hand at the "stuck out of time" lark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Blink of an Eye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alpheratz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpheratz/gifts).



> Beta'd by the lovely netgirl_y2k

For the first few days after Polly returned to Oxford, she was so busy reporting to everyone and enduring endless visits to the medics that she had no time to think about anything. She and Mr. Dunworthy were firmly encouraged to stay in the hospital beds they had been given and it was nearly a week before Polly started to really think through everything.

Years had passed while she was in the Blitz. Years.

What had happened to her flat? Her things?

Her family?

Where would she go? The college had already assured her that she could resume her studies whenever she wanted and Polly knew that her experiences could form the basis of an incredible paper. That gave her a certain reassurance about her professional future, but there were so many uncertainties about everything else.

Even Colin, dear, lovely Colin who had never given up, left her with more questions than answers. The assured, mature young man who visited every day was so different from the boy she had left. When he was in the room with her, Polly knew that she was growing to love him and it was wonderful to see hints of the Colin she had known in the kind, clever man he had grown into.

When he left at the end of each day, it was the memories of the teenage Colin that seemed more real and Polly worried at that thought. If her mind drifted, it was to Sir Godfrey that her thoughts led and she called herself an idiot for worrying so much about a man who had died before she was even born.

The Blitz often felt more real than Oxford in the here and now.

Mr. Dunworthy looked healthier every day, Polly was relieved to see. He seemed to regain the spring in his step and by the end of the first week he was already visibly itching to return to his work. It would be months before he could, there was so much to catch up on, but he seemed to be adjusting to seeing nearly ten years fly away without him remarkably well.

Polly envied him some days.

The college found her a set of rooms so that she had somewhere to go after the hospital released her. Colin arrived an hour after Polly, laden with boxes of her things, just as she was wondering whether she still had money to buy herself a new kettle. Apparently he had insisted that her possessions be put into storage rather than returned to her family or disposed of. His faith that she was still alive and he would find her made Polly tear up for the first time since she left London.

Colin wrapped her in his arms and she cried into his jacket for a long time while he rubbed her back and muttered unintelligible soothing sounds.

Eventually she pulled back, wiped her eyes on the edge of her sleeve and sniffled.

"Sorry," she said. "It's all just a bit..."

Polly waved her hands.

"I know," Colin said.

"You must think that I'm crazy, crying like that when I should be happy to be home," Polly went on.

Colin looked thoughtful. "I don't think you're crazy."

"I feel crazy, sometimes," Polly confessed with a sigh.

"Right, come with me," Colin said firmly, taking her hand.

He towed her through corridors, up and down staircases, deaf to any questions, and eventually stopped in front of an oak door that was battered and nicked from decades - perhaps centuries - of students and professors.

“You don’t have to talk to her,” Colin said, “but she might be able to help.”

Curious, Polly frowned at the door but the only sign on it was a room number and this was a part of the college that she had never been in before. When she hesitated, Colin nudged her and held up a fist, poised to knock. Polly sighed and nodded.

A voice called for them to come in and Polly opened the door. Colin kissed her cheek and rushed away before she could object, leaving her to proceed alone.

“She won’t bite,” Colin’s voice floated back to her.

Polly peeked round the door and smiled hesitantly at the woman curled up in a chair in front of an artificial fire-place. The woman smiled cheerfully and beckoned her in.

“You must be Polly,” the woman said, her voice rich and beautiful. “I’m Kivrin Engle. Colin told me that you might be visiting.

With a little more confidence, Polly closed the door behind her and approached Kivrin.

“I’ve read your book,” Polly said. “Colin gave it to me while I was in hospital.”

Kivrin grinned and gestured.

“Take a seat,” she said. “Tea? Or may be some coffee?”

“Tea would be lovely,” Polly said, sitting down in the chair opposite Kivrin’s and watching as the other woman bustled around the room with a kettle and a teapot.

“I thought you might have got tired of tea in the Blitz,” Kivrin said conversationally. “I read up a bit, when Colin told me what had happened to you. There was a lot of emphasis on the importance of tea for keeping moral up.”

Polly smiled as she remembered the weak brew that had often been enforced by the rationing and the lengths people went to in order to get the last bit of goodness out of every leaf.

“I thought I’d never want to see another cup again,” Polly said, “until the first morning after I got back. It’s a hard habit to break.”

Kivrin chuckled. “At least you didn’t get coffee withdrawal. Three months without coffee when I got stuck.”

She poured the tea and gave a mug to Polly before sitting down with her own, curling into a ball with the light from the artificial fire dancing across her cheek.

“So, you must be feeling completely disoriented,” Kivrin said. “I know that I did and I was only gone for a few months.”

“Well, things had changed a bit here while you were gone,” Polly pointed out. “The world just meandered along while I was gone.”

“It meandered for ten years,” Kivrin said. “I’d say that’s just as much of a change as a deadly flu epidemic is.”

Polly shrugged.

“You must have become attached to the people you were with,” Kivrin said, probing gently.

Visions of Sir Godfrey, Binny and Alfie, and Mr. Dorming floated through Polly’s mind. She remembered the plays and their nights in the shelters, the girls in Townsend Brothers and Mr. Humphreys from St. Paul’s.

“I did,” Polly said, feeling tears just at the edges of her eyes that she would not allow to become real.

“You miss them?” Kivrin asked.

“Every day,” Polly said. “I worry about them. Isn’t that strange? They died long before I was born, whatever happened after I left, but I still worry about them.”

“Have you looked up any of them?” Kivrin asked.

Polly shook her head. “I’m afraid to. Colin said that he met Binny Hodbin when he was looking for me and that she and Alfie had survived and done well. I think Elaine was happy there, from what he said. The rest...I don't know.”

“Who was Binny?” Kivrin asked.

Even though Polly suspected that Kivrin knew exactly who Binny and Alfie were, she launched into as many of the funnier stories as she could think of. It was easier to tell them than to remember the more painful parts and Kivrin seemed to appreciate the humour of their more outrageous stunts. Eventually she ran out of stories and drifted into silence.

“Who else were you close to?” Kivrin asked. “Don’t worry, this is all off the record.”

How did she know that there were things and people that Polly needed to talk about that she did not want to expose to her chroniclers? Somehow, her talks with Sir Godfrey and the way that he had almost hinted that he knew who she was did not feel like something history should know about.

As Polly hesitated, Kivrin took a sip of tea and then said, "You know, the hardest part for me when I got back was the way nobody understood that the people back then were real to me. They had all the likes and inconsistencies and dreams that we have. To everyone else, they were historical characters that formed the context for where I had been, but were nothing beyond that. Nobody else lived alongside them, talked to them...cared for them...buried them."

"Sometimes I feel so guilty," Polly said. "I couldn't tell people to avoid that street or keep away from that shelter and I knew that they would die."

"If I'd had some antiobiotics or the vaccine," Kivrin said. "If I'd realised what was happening or what the date was sooner."

"Most of the time, I was terrified that everything I was doing might change things," Polly said, "but there were days when it was so difficult not to interfere."

"When they're preparing you for this," Kivrin said, "they never warn you that you'll get attached and involved."

"I guess they don't expect people to stay for long," Polly said. "We're supposed to observe and then leave."

"Even if you're only supposed to stay for a couple of months, you still get involved," Kivrin said. "It's human nature."

"Do you miss it?" Polly asked. "The time you went to?"

Kivrin frowned. "That's a hard one. I don't miss a lot of it - the deaths, the bad food, the smell - but I missed the people for a long time. How about you?"

"It's crazy," Polly said.

"Not really. You were there for a long time."

"I miss it," Polly said. "It's been odd trying to adjust to no rations, no shelters, lights everywhere. I keep catching myself listening out for the sirens."

That was something she had not admitted to herself before. There had been so many times when she had longed to return to Oxford and the bleakness she had felt when she realised that they could be stuck forever had almost drowned her. Missing the people was something she understood: they had become a part of her life and in some ways it was the people that had kept her from total despair. To miss the life that she had been living made no sense.

Kivrin stood and gestured with her mug. "Another cup?"

A good cup of tea, strong and comforting, was something that Polly vowed never to take for granted again. She suspected that her vow would not last long, but right now it was still something to savour. There were dozens - hundreds - of accounts of the relief and celebrations that the end of rationing had brought and until now, Polly had never really understood it. That aspect had never been something that she had considered when she was planning her drops and the topics for her studies.

It gave her an idea for a paper, maybe something on the end of rationing and the way that lives changed.

Then she caught herself. Would the college ever authorize her for a 20th century drop - any drop, for that matter - again? Polly accepted her mug from Kivrin and inhaled the steam for a long moment.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Kivrin said.

"Would you think that I'm crazy for wanting to do another drop?" Polly asked.

"I think it took me two years before I could face it again," Kivrin said. "Then I got the idea for another paper and it couldn't be done without a couple of trips. You're not me, but I don't think you're crazy. They won't let you go anywhere for a long time, though, and I don't think you'll ever get clearance for another drop during the war."

"How about after it?"

Kivrin grinned. "Unlikely, but you can always try. In a few months, anyway."

"It's probably going to take me that long to get everything written up," Polly said. "I've got no idea how I'll keep to the dissertation word limit."

"Save the good bits for your thesis," Kivrin advised. "It would be a shame to go through everything you've been through and only get a couple of minor papers out of it."

"You think I could get my doctorate based on it?" Polly asked.

Kivrin raised an eyebrow. "I'll be disappointed if you don't."

There was a soft knock on the door and Polly rolled her eyes.

"That's probably Colin, checking that I'm OK," she said.

"Have you asked him about what he was doing while you were gone?" Kivrin asked.

Polly flushed guiltily. "Not really."

"You should, you know. He's done some remarkable research," Kivrin said gently and then she raised her voice to call, "Come in!"

There was a bounce in Colin's step as he entered and he had a wide grin.

"Ladies, can I treat you to supper?" he asked.

"Is it that late?" Polly asked, startled.

"Later," Colin said. "I thought we could get something at the pub. Half the lab is already down there and the other half are finishing up a drop before they join us. They're celebrating your safe return. Again. I think they've been celebrating all week."

"Well, it would be rude to miss a party in my honour," Polly said, feeling quite cheerful about the idea of eating food that had not originated in the hospital or the college canteen. "Kivrin?"

"How can I refuse an offer like that," Kivrin said.

Colin held out his arms. "Shall we go?"

Polly and Kivrin grinned and they each locked arms with Colin before marching cheerfully out of Kivrin's office and to the pub.


End file.
